Very Well Read

Quotations from, and the occasional reflection on, things that I have read.

Archive for the category “fluff”

The Action Heroine’s Handbook

I bought this book for my sister for Christmas. Stumbling across it in a bookstore one day, I saw the tagline on the cover:

How to win a catfight, drink someone under the table, choke a man with your bare thighs, and dozens of other TV and movie skills. [emphasis added]

… and I knew I had to buy this book for my sis.

Being the curious type, and having bought this book months before Christmas, I just may have flipped through [translation: read] this book before I wrapped it up. Overall, I have to say I was a wee bit disappointed. Although I did learn how to choke a man with my bare thighs, and that may come in handy someday.

Worick, Jennifer & Borgenicht, Joe. The Action Herione’s Handbook. New York: Quirk Books, 2003.

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bär cōde


bär cōde
: Your Personal Pocket Decoder to the Modern Dating Scene

Another book to keep me up on the world of dating (see: He’s Just Not That Into You) from my friend* Rachel. This book is structured as a dictionary of terms to describe common dating occurences. Some of my favs include:

  • Brad Pity: n. The act of cooling your girlfriend’s jets for some pretty-boy actor by telling her that he’s gay.
  • Cargument: n. The one-sided post-argument argument you have with your boyfriend on your way to work — alone.
  • Discommunicate: v. Saying you’re not going to tell how far you got on a date in order to mislead others into thinking you went all the way.
  • Dude Swings: n. Alternatively hating and loving a guy from one minute to the next.**
  • False Bra-vado: n. Misguided belief that you can work a woman’s bra.
  • Miss Match: n. The great-looking girl that dates your butt-ugly buddy.
  • Retrosex: n. The act os sleeping with your ex to show him you’re over him and therefore ready for him back.
  • Score-drobe: n. The lucky skirt, shirt, shoes, or dress that guarantee results.
  • Sheet-faced***: adj. When shacking, how your morning-after hair and makeup look.
  • Tartifacts***: n. The clothing or jewelry you accidentally (on purpose) leave at his house as an excuse to contact him again.
  • Teengauger: n. Empirical method of distinguishing the gorgeous nineteen-year-old from the potentially crimal fifteen-year-old.
  • Update: v. To date out of your league.

*and wingman
**coincidentally, this is also the emotion that die hard Canucks fans hold for their team.
***my absolute fav is a toss-up between ‘sheet-faced’ and “tartifacts.”

Darwin Awards II

Rarely does a sequel surpass the original. OK, I admit it, I never read the original. I don’t think it actually matters. I just picked this up because I saw it at the library and I enjoy laughing at other people’s stupidity.

Some of the spectacular ways that people ended up dead, thus earning themselves a Darwin Award included:

  • the women who died of a skull fracture after falling from her 13 cm platform sandals*.
  • the religious dude who drowned in his bath after slipping on a bar of soap while he was practising trying to walk on water to be more like Jesus
  • the guy who died in a forklift accident while making a forklift safety video
  • the shepherd who was shot to death when one of his sheep stepped on his rifle

*In the interest of full disclosure, I’d like to point out that my platform sandals are only 9.5 cm tall. And my platform boots, 11 cm.

Northcutt, Wendy. The Darwin awards II : unnatural selection. New York : Dutton, 2001.

He’s Just Not That Into You

Read this book on the beach today — I’m spending my long weekend at my friend Rachel’s place and we decided to go to the beach, but since I didn’t have anything to read, I borrowed this book. She said it was a quick read and entertaining – which it was! Not sure I 100% buy all the stuff… like the suggestion that if a guy is interested he’ll call you so you should never call him… I mean, yes, I agree that if he’s not calling, he’s not into you, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with calling, as long as it is reciprocated. But I find that I’m often quite guy-like in my thinking, so perhaps I’m just a bit of an anomoly. I do like that they stress the idea that “you are too good and life is too short to put up with crap!” Hear, hear!

Anyway, some of the lines that really made me laugh in this book included:

  • The word “busy” is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes.
  • He just cheated on you and called you fat. How many low-self-esteem protein shakes can one person drink?
  • If he has a problem with anything in your relationship, he’s supposed to talk to you about it, not put-his-penis-in-a-strange-vagina about it.
  • 100% of guys polled said that they had never accidentally slept with anyone.
  • You can’t talk your way out of a breakup. It is not up for discussion. A breakup is a definitive action, not a democratic one.

And remember, life is too short to waste on the crazies – don’t waste the pretty!

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