Very Well Read

Quotations from, and the occasional reflection on, things that I have read.

Archive for the month “November, 2006”

bär cōde


bär cōde
: Your Personal Pocket Decoder to the Modern Dating Scene

Another book to keep me up on the world of dating (see: He’s Just Not That Into You) from my friend* Rachel. This book is structured as a dictionary of terms to describe common dating occurences. Some of my favs include:

  • Brad Pity: n. The act of cooling your girlfriend’s jets for some pretty-boy actor by telling her that he’s gay.
  • Cargument: n. The one-sided post-argument argument you have with your boyfriend on your way to work — alone.
  • Discommunicate: v. Saying you’re not going to tell how far you got on a date in order to mislead others into thinking you went all the way.
  • Dude Swings: n. Alternatively hating and loving a guy from one minute to the next.**
  • False Bra-vado: n. Misguided belief that you can work a woman’s bra.
  • Miss Match: n. The great-looking girl that dates your butt-ugly buddy.
  • Retrosex: n. The act os sleeping with your ex to show him you’re over him and therefore ready for him back.
  • Score-drobe: n. The lucky skirt, shirt, shoes, or dress that guarantee results.
  • Sheet-faced***: adj. When shacking, how your morning-after hair and makeup look.
  • Tartifacts***: n. The clothing or jewelry you accidentally (on purpose) leave at his house as an excuse to contact him again.
  • Teengauger: n. Empirical method of distinguishing the gorgeous nineteen-year-old from the potentially crimal fifteen-year-old.
  • Update: v. To date out of your league.

*and wingman
**coincidentally, this is also the emotion that die hard Canucks fans hold for their team.
***my absolute fav is a toss-up between ‘sheet-faced’ and “tartifacts.”

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The Sex Life of Lab Rats

This is a poem that I came across a while ago and, being a scientist who enters rat sexual liaisons into a day planner, it struck a chord with me.

The Sex Life of Lab Rats

The sex-life of scientists is wild and cruel,
A rabid flailing of bodies

On a clean tile floor. Unplanned,
The uproar consumes

The dinner hour, hunger racing
Along the walls. Experiments neglected

Among the tubes and pumps, as the clawing
And the pawing disturbs the sanitary air.

The sex-life of lab rats is foreign and precise,
One body courteously mounting another

In a maze of possibilities. Empirical
Exploration, clothes folded neatly,

The liaison entered in the day
Planner. The project was a success,

They say; copulation occurred
Before time ran out.

by Christopher Doda

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